A very merry un-birthday to you....

According to her Chinese paperwork, today would have been Sage's 4th birthday. As many of you know, we have since legally changed her birthdate to August 9, 2006. That was the day (in 2009) that she was baptized at our church here in Maple Valley. May 13th, her birthdate given to her in China, was actually the day she was found, alone, in a marketplace in the Shunde district of Foshan City, China in 2008. We will never know her "real" birthdate. Many adopted children from China were found as infants, so their birthdates are assumed accurate within weeks, months or even just days. Sage was guessed to be about two years old when she was found, so the "margin of error", if you will, was greater. We'll never know. And as much as I am a person who needs details and facts to make my little world feel in order, I am okay with it. I hope she is someday too. What's important is that she's ours, she's home now, and will never be left again.

Her journey to us began on this day two years ago when her birthmother (we assume it was her) made what I'm sure had to be the most painful decision ever; that she could no longer care for her child. She took her to a busy market place where she was sure she would be found and said goodbye to her little girl. Unfathomable. I know, without a doubt in my heart, that Sage's birthmother grieved the loss of her child that day, are probably still does. She has been on my heart the past couple of days. I wish she could see how happy Sage is. I wish she could know that Sage has a family that loves and cares for her and that she is not alone anymore. Not in a marketplace, not in a crib in an orphanage. Never again.

I hope Sage has no memory of that day. I don't usually allow myself to really imagine what it was like. A busy market place. My little girl standing there alone. It hurts too much. Of course, I am imagining it now and I can't stop the tears from streaming down my face. It is my job now to make her feel safe, secure and loved. Somedays I feel incompetent, like I'm not doing a good enough job as her parent. It is in those moments that I am truly grateful that she has a heavenly Father who loves her perfectly and completely when I can not. I will make sure Sage knows His love for her and how He made sure that the journey that began on May 13, 2008 led her to us, her forever family, on April 13, 2009. We love you Sagie.