A bittersweet day

It is hard to put into words what this day really means. May 13th is listed as Sage Yunyi's birthdate on her referral information. We are fairly certain that it is not her true birthdate. Last year, on this day, our tiny little daughter was found in a busy marketplace, alone. She was not left with a note of any kind, so those in charge guessed her age to be about two years and listed May 13th, 2006 as her date of birth. I thought about her birth mother a lot yesterday. Since China is 15 hours ahead of us, when it was yesterday afternoon here, it was already the morning of May 13th over there. Somewhere near Foshan City, China, I am certain a mother is grieving for her little girl. I know I shed tears for her. I wish I could let her know that the daughter she gave birth to and most likely cared for the first couple years of her little life is being loved and cared for as a part of our family.

As some of you may know, we are hoping to change Sage's birthdate once we obtain a birth certificate from the state of Washington. There are a lot of reasons we want to do this, but the biggest one is just to give her more time to grow and flourish before she turns "three". She is a peanut, and she has a lot of adjusting and learning to do. We are looking to have her baptized in August and make that her new "birthday".

Today also marks the one month anniversary of when we received Sage. So much has changed for us all in one month. It's hard to believe she's the same child who was thrust into our arms crying and crying. Sage is doing remarkably well. She definitely understands much more than she can speak. She will repeat things we say, but when we ask her to actually say something when she wants it (like "up" or "more") she won't. But if I ask her if she wants up, up go here arms for me to pick her up. She babbles in Cantonese at times which she didn't do in China. It's pretty cute.

Attachment wise I think she is doing wonderfully. She gives us kisses and snuggles and just seems comfortable being here. She doesn't scream and have fits like she did in China. She goes to sleep without crying now. I rock her and then lay her down in the crib next to us. She sleeps all night yet wakes a few times crying. A gentle pat on the back or a hand to hold soothes her. We are very fortunate sleeping is not a huge issue. Now I just wish she would eat. Picky, picky.

I realize that I am making it sound like everything is just rosy and wonderful here in the Walles household. Yes, there are so many good things about this adjustment, but it has also been hard. The kids are doing great. I am the one having the hardest time with the adjustment. I don't mean to sound like I am complaining, I just want to be honest. I am finding it hard to get use to being home all the time. I struggle with feeling isolated. This adoption process has been so similar to each time we welcomed one of the other three by birth, but it is not quite the same. Like each time before, our old routine is out the window. I don't know what to expect from my day. I don't do well having no control in my life, and there is just so much newness here I feel overwhelmed and a bit crazed. But i contrast to haing a newborn, Sage comes to us as a two year old with definite ideas, likes and dislikes (which we don't always get) and a history. Then, of course, there is always the worries about her medical issues. Sage is scheduled to her eye examined under anethesia June 5th. We will keep you posted.

Sorry for the long post, there was just a lot to say today. Admist the struggles, I am still so sure this is all God's plan. He has brought Sage Yunyi into our family and we are grateful. Thank you for all your prayers and support for our family.