Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Day 2 and 3
Sorry I haven't been able to post until now. Our internet connection has not been working in the room. The past two days have had their ups and downs. Emotionally, I am fragile. Physically, Bill was SICK! Those two things do not combine for an easy day. Sage has probably been doing better than the two of us combined. I'll be honest, you hear about others welcoming a new child into their family whether by birth or by adoption, and all you hear is the good stuff. Well, it has been tough for me. I have felt pretty lost here in China. It is so hard when you don't know your child's likes, dislikes, and you can't fully communicate with her to find out what she needs or wants. Sage is a cute little girl, with a huge smile. She takes my hand to lead me where she wants to go. She could spend hours playing with her stacking cups. We went to the park last night and saw some puppies, and she mimicked the word, "puppy"! It was SO cute. I am eager to know her more. I know it will get easier each day, but I would ask for you prayers in this transition, it certainly is an emotional rollercoaster. And I miss Payton, Carter and Risa. A lot.
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11 comments:
your not alone in your thoughts! I was terrified of my daughter last year when we first got her!! It's hard when you can't just hug, kiss and laugh with them becuase it may scare them. Know that it will get easier and better and you just need to pray and keep going. she is a doll!!!
Liz (Bethany board friend)
Know in your head that you will eventually have the same bond with her that you share with your other children. It may take weeks, months, maybe even a year but you will eventually feel it in your heart. Try to be happy and not waste this time with worry. Just take it day by day.
PRAYING FOR YOU! Be strong....get sleep when you can. Being sleep deprived makes it even harder!! You are in my thoughts and prayers.
You must be sooo tired with all that going on. Emotions can so wear you down. We are praying for you, Sage, and Bill. God is with you and will show you the way. He has led you to one another and he will help you through this transition time. I can imagine how weird it is being there without the other three, but soon you will be at home with your 4 little ones and this day will be just a blip in the midst of the joy that is to come. Get some rest and stay strong. So excited to meet little Sage.....
And maybe it's a guy thing, but "claiming" your adopted daughter isn't something that just happens instantly. It's completely normal to be scared and doubtful. When you get back, you might find it hard to cut Sage the same slack as your biological kids, even though you will know rationally that she needs far more understanding and consideration - having been through so much more and being expected to adjust to so much more.
Give yourself time.
There will be days that you'll feel like you're forcing yourself to go through the motions of being a good parent, and your heart isn't 100% in it, and then you'll think "What kind if awful person am I that this isn't easier? That I'm not more patient?"
You need to know how normal this is.
Claiming takes time. Weeks, months, even up to a year. Go through those motions, don't feel guilty that it's not easy, or that you're not happy about it all the time.
The day will come. You won't even know when it's happened, but the mommy/daddy warrior will come out and you'll find yourself fighting for your daughter. And she's just going to keep reaching up with that little hand and touching your heart in little ways every day.
And get ready for the joy. Get ready for the day she says something that just makes you all bust up laughing. Get ready for her little ideosynchrocies that you just can't get enough of, because those are coming too.
Hang in there Sarah....I agree with everything that Scott has said.....it will all be ok in time.
I have no words of advice other than to let you know I am praying for you...LauraC
I cannot imagine how difficult these days must be. Take it day by day and praise the baby steps. I hope Bill feels better soon!
We are asking that God's Spirit will comfort and hold you during these next few days - until you are home again. Of course you miss your family - and they miss you, too. Your Mom and Neomi have been wonderful and your children (all 4 of them) are safe, well and happy. But all of you need to be together again. That will happen soon - although not soon enough I know. We are also praying for Billy's health and your emotional well-being. I know you are in God's gentle hands. See you soon! Beste'
Oh Honey--The warmth,Love,and support of the Lord are around you. You are very loved,and cherished.Breath-sleep-breath-have some tea. I was speaking to someone very wise this morning,our hopes/support for you and your family the subject ( and yes I know Bill hates the gossip stuff... but this is kind Good stuff!! :) You have had, and continue to have a huge journey. So much planning,hopes,dreams have taken you to this point. Your hearts have a vast,unending capicity to love. When you had Payton,I'ld bet you were excited,happy,nervous,scared...this blessed little boy was brought into the world- and then you went home from the hospital wondering "oh nuts can we really do this?" the fatigue,ups and downs,trying to figure out what they are really trying to tell you-and feeling way overwhelmed?
Sage may have been born 3 years ago--but she is in your loving care now-- she is not an infant,and comes with her own likesneeds,and wants. When you brought Payton home.. think back.. did you expect to know everything about him,even though you had only "met" him 2 days ago?? You have bright, thoughful, wonderful, caring,kind children.When you start to doubt yourself-look into their eyes--your love is reflected there. Sage is no different,she is smart,beautiful,and has a stong sence of her own mind. She has the best parents God could ever place her with. Of that--I am Absolutly certain. Remember to breath--love ya--me
Just saw this post and wanted to send lots of hugs and prayers! Take care of yourselves - I'm sure you are already winning Sage's heart and this will get easier.
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